I am a mess. Consequently, my whole world is also in a mess. I have to discover the base of the problem here. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so empty, so confused? I wasn’t always like this. Sure, I had my moments in the past, but these days it feels overwhelming. This longing that I feel is consuming me, devouring me, leaving nothing behind. All this confusion without conclusion is pushing me to the edge. Yet from outside, everything seems alright. I have everything I could ever ask for. But within, chaos reigns. There is no more equilibrium, no tranquility, only havoc. I can feel every last drop of virtue being squeezed out of my veins, seeping out through my pores as I expand, explore, and exploit every sin.
What do you do, when you feel like nothing matters anymore? Nothing seems as important as it used to be and you simply stop to care. What do you do then? Momentary happiness feels too empty, instant gratification seems too shallow. What do you do when you’re filled with a desperate longing for something you can’t even name?
It feels impossible for anyone to understand me now and explanation is too tiresome. I am a mirage, no longer real. Words are no longer sufficient to explain how I feel. I have grown full circle and still remain an enigma. I am the darkness and the light. I am the personification of everything and therefore the epitome of nothing.