A Conversation in the Dark

“I’ve promised myself that I wouldn’t fall in love again. Because it’s easier, because it’s safer to never feel it again.”

silence

Are you ready to face the consequences?”

“At least for the time being, it feels like the right choice to make. So whatever I have to lose is fine by me.”

Even if it means losing yourself?”

“I lost myself some time ago. It sound melodramatic, I know, but that’s how I feel. I’ve compromised too much and sacrificed too much to even know who I am anymore. It’s ironic. I set out trying to find myself and I end up farther than where I began.”

So in turn you’re letting go of your dreams and hopes and beliefs and faith?”

contemplative silence

“Yes.”

You don’t sound certain.

“I’m not. Maybe I’m tired of keeping up a fight, of being different, of not fitting in, but to throw away my dreams and hopes along with my beliefs and faith… I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

Once, you promised to never do it.

“I know I did. After all, even when times got hard and I felt like I was left with nothing and no one, they were still there to keep me company.”

chuckle

“I’ve been called delusional in the past. People said I’m only living a fantasy. But so what if I am? To varying degrees, aren’t we all? Still, people tried to put me down; thinking that I needed to be brought down a peg or two or that I need to be straightened out.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know for sure. I guess on some level my existence bothers them because I don’t fit into their ideas of how things should be.”

“And your whole idea about never falling in love again, how does that fit into everything you’ve just explained?”

“It doesn’t really. I guess I just got hit by a sudden wave of pessimism. After all, the world hasn’t exactly been very encouraging lately.”

“Does it matter? You’re the one who said that even though the odds are against you, you always believe that everything will be alright.”

“Yes, yes I did. Yet everything that’s happened lately has affected me more than I thought. And for a moment, I just let it get to me.”

“Still insist that you won’t ever fall in love again?”

smile

“Not anymore. I won’t hold my breath until I do, though.”

“I don’t expect you to. Just promise you would at least consider the possibility when one comes.”

 “As if I’d have the chance to anyway. You know that when it truly comes it’ll overtake me.”

“True.”

quiet settles

Feel better now?”

“Of course.”

sleep

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