I got into a shouting match with MT over the phone earlier today. Personal issues and emotions were brought to a boiling point by the complications of an impending theatre performance that has more drama offstage than onstage. Thankfully, it ended well. And like any friendship worth maintaining, the fight only brought us closer.
One of the cast members withdrew only 9 days before the show (isn’t that just fan-frickin’-tastic?). I was asked to be a replacement and though I can memorise the lines and blocking in time, I don’t want to. Aside from my own personal issues with the resigning actor, I’m tired of being a pushover; of people persuading or forcing or guilting me into doing something that I don’t really want to do. So I refused. MT couldn’t see why I did and I didn’t feel like justifying my decision. And that’s how it all started.
You see, I’ve made a commitment to be more honest to others and to myself. I’ve let others judge me yet kept my own opinions to myself for the sake of their feelings. Now how is that fair? From now on I’d rather be true to my heart and my mind. And if people don’t like the new me? Tough. I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not.
In addition to that, I’ve decided to at least try to keep the level of melodrama in my life to a minimum. Life’s complicated enough as it is, no? And as part of this decision, I am doing some serious trimming of the people in my life. I’d rather have a few dear friends than a truckload of superficial ones or those that reeks of negativity. And as people are who they are and to try to change them is neither my interest nor responsibility, I’d rather walk away. If I end up alone, so be it. Like Candace Bushnell said: Better alone than badly accompanied.
So begins yet another chapter in my life. I’m not sure how this one would turn out, but I’m very interested to find out.