It’s afternoon and I’m feeling considerably more stable. I suppose a good night’s sleep was what I needed to gain some perspective. Now I can objectively assess what happened and be rid of it once and for all.
I said that he pushed my buttons and he certainly did, questioning my values and judgments and although that in itself is not a bad thing, it’s not something I’m used to. I’ve said that I can never resist smart guys and that was exactly what happened. In any case, supposing he was interested in me in any way possible, I did enough to quell whatever he had in mind. I said and did everything you’re not supposed to say or do in front of a man who you’re interested in and/or is interested in you. I believe the last nail in the coffin was when he asked me why I’ve been single for so long and I asked him if he wanted an honest answer. When he said that he did, I leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Because no one deserves me.” A statement that would suck the wind out of the sails of the most belligerent sailor.
In case anyone is wondering why I did what I did, it’s my basic mode of operation: whenever I start to feel as though I can be interested in someone: I do my best to turn that person off. That way it’s safer for me because then even if my attraction gets uncontrollable, I’ve already prevented the possibility of anything happening. It might not be the mentally healthiest method available but it’s one that’s proven to be effective.
So here I am. Just waiting until I get over whatever this is. Honestly, I just can’t wait.