This is What Happens When You’re the Booty Call of a Psych Major

I’ve said this many times over and I’m sure that you all know that life is about choice. It’s simply a series of choices and outcomes. Some are favourable, others not so much. Some are easy, others require more consideration, and several times in our lives, we come across those which would affect us the rest of our way. Apart from a gifted few with the blessing of divination, the rest of us are pretty much walking blind, or with a semblance of a skill of empiricism, observation, analysis, and deduction at most which accuracy can never be guaranteed.

So what do we do when we meet these critical intersections, especially when we know there’s no way to turn back and retrace our steps and remake the decisions? Do we delay coming to terms for as long as possible until we can somehow ascertain the outcome or do we jump headlong into the unknown and hope for the best?

A couple of nights ago, someone said to me that due to my ‘independent and free-spirited nature’, a relationship may not be what I need. He said that although I’m capable of affection, I lack the commitment to, well, commit my energy and time to a new relationship which would undoubtedly require time and patience and sacrifice and compromise. As much as I didn’t like it when I heard it, the idea stuck around and it’s the one thing I can think about.

I’ve always said that I want a relationship and I’m just waiting to meet the right guy for it to begin. I’ve always believed in it and I’ve never really questioned it but his assessment of me really made me wonder. What if after everything I’ve been through and all the choices I’ve made, I’m unable to ever have a relationship? After all, I’ve pretty much made myself undateable, could this be the last nail in the coffin? Here lies Micha. He had plenty of loves, none that lasted, and stayed single til he died.

It’s as though I’m nearing a deadline. Either I speak out now or forever hold my peace. Time which has always been rather abstract to me, has taken a tangible form and is looming ever closer.

I wish I can just shut out all outside noise and keep on believing but damn.. some days it’s easier said than done.

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