I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends, discussing a certain bump in the course of his relatively smooth relationship. Come to think of it, the smoothness is pretty much the bump because they are stuck in a rut; emotionally, mentally, and sexually.
The telephone call followed a flurry of messages on Messenger where he confided that his lover complained the other night because he chose to sleep than to have sex. Now, I’m a believer in the importance of sex in a romantic relationship. Frankly, if the sex ain’t that great, let’s just be friends. Used correctly, how much you want to have sex with someone can be the measure of just how much you are into the person. And from personal experience, if I’m fully into someone, no amount of fatigue or sleepiness will stand in the way of a sweet roll in the hay. Hell, I’ve done it while delirious over a fever; but then again I’m a freak so, kids, don’t try this at home.
There are things I find crucial in a sexual encounter. First off, the person (duh!). Second, there’s the scenario (which includes location, situation, and setting). And the third is the memory (whether I’ve ever done it with the person before and what it was like or is this the first time around). Now, applied to a relationship where the people are the same and the scenario seldom changes complete with copulation-by-numbers and emotional baggage, what do you get? A recipe for disaster.
Comfort is nice. And familiarity is comfortable, therefore it is nice. But nice can be boring. In one of his fables, Aesop once said that ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. Perhaps he was also stuck in two-year relationship and not getting any. In a relationship, familiarity can be the enemy of romance. The problem is, most ‘mature’ relationships eventually settles into something established, stable, and well.. mature and the roaring flames of passion eventually settles into a cosy warmth. I’m not saying that warmth is bad. Warmth is good. But only warmth all the time can be bad. If there’s one thing about human nature that can be guaranteed, it’s that most of us always want more. It’s a concept born in the 80’s and it has stayed on, with only slight adjustments. So, like the James Ingram song goes, How do you keep the music playing? How do you make it last? How do you keep the song from fading too fast?
Well, to begin with, we must realise that relationship is something we must work at to maintain. Yes, I said it. Even with my dreams of love at first sight and true love, I realise that happily ever after needs one hell of an upkeep. I told my friend that with all that sugar (fat-free, glucose-free, fun-free sugar, mind you), perhaps they need some spice. Take weekend trips together somewhere. Be spontaneous. Be daring. Be sensual. Bathtubs. Massage oils. Candles. Music. Do elaborate scenarios indulging in fantasies. Silk scarves. Furry handcuffs. The outdoors. Costumes. And even dialogue. The possibilities are endless – or at least as endless as your imagination will go and inhibitions will allow.
And again, as the song goes, “With any luck, then I suppose, the music never ends.”
p.s. Please note however that I do not advocate bringing in someone else. An open relationship is not a relationship in my book. It’s fuck buddies with co-dependence issues.