I really need to talk to someone right now and I just had a frightening moment when I realise that there isn’t anyone. Funny. I thought I’d reconciled myself to the fact that aloneness and loneliness are twin strands that make up the my personality – and apparently my way of life. Then again, maybe it’s not so funny because I’m certainly not smiling now. Well, at least I’m not crying. After the initial fright abated, I guess I’m just.. pensive. Neither my sense of comedic-irony nor dramatic-tragedy has come into play so I’m currently stuck in emotional limbo. Don’t they say that it’s oh-so-calm in the eye of the storm?
So here I am. Alone and lonely. Calmly alone and calmly lonely. Telling myself that this need to reach out to someone, to be heard, to be understood, to be touched, to be held, to be loved, is just a temporary reaction to circumstance. That I’m fine with being alone. That I’m fine with being lonely. That it doesn’t hurt and I’m just making something out of nothing. Nothing at all. It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt. I’m fine..
Or at least I will be. Because hey, that’s what I always am, isn’t it?