I never knew exactly how to feel; never really knew who and what I really was. All I was ever really sure of was my confusion and my never ending questions. I fell in love all through my youth, yet I never really learned how to fall out. Love was an obsession, a wish that seemed impossible to come true.
The first time I felt love crept into my heart and stayed there, it was the most magical, unforgettable, and painful chapter in my young life. He was the most beautiful soul I had ever seen. From the very first time I became aware of his existence, it overtook my own and became the essence of my whole being. Just a glimpse of his half-smile was enough to send tingles all over my body; making my face blush with heat and my feet cold with nerves. And when fate finally decided that it was time for our paths to cross, it marked the beginning of a journey that I would walk for the rest of my life. I would always look back at that moment with a mixture of sweet nostalgia and bitter longing, never exactly understanding why it came to be or how it ended.
Even now, remembering the way we used to steal glances at each other across the crowded room and how his eyes would light up whenever they caught mine, followed by that sweet smile that would spread across his face, I am choked with emotion. A fountain seems to spring from somewhere within me, gushing with feelings I have long tried to forget and let go. I don’t cry over it anymore, though. What’s left is just a question of how things would, should, and could have been if only… If only what? How and why it ended has always been a mystery to me, yet I can’t shake the feeling that maybe if I had done this differently or that in another way, things might somehow be different. Oh… I don’t know, really. Fate brought us together; maybe it also tore us apart. Life’s funny that way. You’re never really sure which way you’re going to go or where you’re going to end up.
psychobabbles 